It's Been a Long Time, Old Friend

This is one of my favorite phrases to use when talking about food. If I haven't had a Pappadeaux shrimp po-boy or piece of Oreo delight in some time, it is not uncommon for me to take a bite and follow it up with a deep sigh and, "it's been a long time, old friend."  The problem, though, is my friendship with food.  While I take great pleasure in food, it was never intended to be my friend.

It should not be where I turn for comfort.

It should not be where I look to find the answer to my boredom.

It should not - because it cannot - ease the sting of disappointment or be the cure for my worry.

It never satisfies any of those needs.  And, in fact, leaves me feeling worse than before.

I have a long history, though, with emotional eating.  And I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of the cycle of overindulgence...which leads to shame...which leads to overindulgence...which leads to more shame...
 
I jokingly said to a friend the other day that my muffin top has gotten really out of control and has graduated to cupcake top.  I have gained and lost the same, stupid five pounds at least 4 or 5 times in the last six months.

And so I am making a New Years' resolution a bit early this year.  Whenever I feel the need to soothe my soul with ice cream or chips or whatever the vittley-vice of the evening may be, I will sit down first.  I will write about those feelings, perhaps publicly or maybe just privately.  Maybe I will still have a bite of chocolate after reflecting.   My hope, though, is that I will be more introspective.  More deliberate.  And that patterns of unhealthy behavior I have developed over the span of three decades will begin to change.

I love to write but saw the date of my last blog (2012); I was amazed that I have not written for pleasure in over 2 years.  I'm excited about exploring this side of myself again.  It's time to create.

It's been a long time, old friend.